The Big Issue : Edition 558
THEBIGISSUE.ORG.AU 23 MAR–5 APR 2018 7 STREETSHEET BEST IN THE BRIS I was overwhelmed to visit the Broncos HQ and training facility. Sam Thaiday and Jaydn Su’A both sold with me on my pitch during the Sports Sales Challenge. They won the trophy and I got to present it to them. I was inspired by them, their kindness and humour. Sam wanted to keep the trophy in his locker, but the bosses said it had to go into the trophy cabinet! Well done boys! Magoo sells The Big Issue on the corner of Albert and Adelaide Sts, Brisbane. WAGGISH TALE Two dogs were talking and one said, “I brought a stick back from 700 metres away for my owner the other day!” The other dog said, “That’s a bit far- fetched isn’t it?” Bob C sells The Big Issue outside Channel 7, Sydney CBD. A FUNNY OLD TIME “Growing old is like being increasingly penalised for a crime you haven’t committed.” – Anthony Powell “People ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don’t know. I’m never there.” – Dolly Parton “In my day, a juvenile delinquent was a kid who owed tuppence on an overdue library book.” – Max Bygraves “Of all the faculties, the last to leave us is sexual desire. That means that long after wearing bifocals and hearing aids, we’ll still be making love. We just don’t know with whom.” – Jack Paar Mariann B sells The Big Issue in Albert Park, Melbourne. Jokes, yarns and pictures from Big Issue vendors On 20 February I celebrated 17 years selling The Big Issue. I first started at Wynyard Park then Circular Quay, but when I got a place in Glebe I started selling there. I would like to thank everyone for all your support over the past 17 years. James P sells The Big Issue in Glebe, Sydney. PIZZA THE ACTION Q. Why do ham and pineapple pizzas take longer to cook? A. Because you have to cook them at aloha setting. Adrian H sells The Big Issue in Newtown, Sydney. M EGA LAUGHS Q. What do you call a dinosaur with a sore behind? A. A Mega-sore-ass! Sean J sells The Big Issue in Adelaide Railway Station. SIDE SPLITTING Q. Why did a banana lose its popularity? A. Because it lost its ap-peal! Rob P sells The Big Issue in Adelaide. WHAT’S UP DOC? The old fellow goes to the doctor and says, “I’m not feeling too good.” The doc says, “Well, we will run a few tests and talk to you next week.” Next week rolls around and the old fellow asks how it went. The doc says, “Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.” The old fellow says, “Well, give me the really bad news first.” The doc says, “Well, the really bad news is that you have cancer and have two weeks to live.” The old fellow, now in shock, asks, “Well what on earth can the bad news be?” “The bad news is you also have Alzheimer’s disease.” The old fellow says, “Well, thank goodness for that, I thought for a moment you were going to tell me I had cancer!” Stephen B sells The Big Issue at Readings in Carlton, Melbourne. ALL IN THE FAMILY My wife just stopped and said: “You weren’t even listening were you?” I thought... That’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation. Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, “Dad, what’s love juice?” Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sits there with his mouth open in amazement. Finally, Dad finishes explaining and asks, “So what were you watching?” Billy says, “Wimbledon.” Brian C sells The Big Issue in Melbourne. » All vendor contributors to Streetsheet are paid for their work.