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The Big Issue : Edition 435
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» Helen Razer is a writer, gardener and commentator on all kinds of things. When not offering gratuitous advice she is likely to be found outside, gazing upwards, contemplating The Big Questions. mother of invention RAZER My Mother has asked me to assist her in buying a smartphone. yes, on the face of it, this might seem like a simple request easily fulfilled. But think about it, insensitive reader. My mother has asked me to assist her in buying a smartphone. If you soon feel a disturbance or a slight hint of nausea, the reason for it is my mother has asked me to assist her in buying a smartphone. oh it aLL soUNDs LoveLy, doesn’t it? Middle-aged, single daughter assists her mother with the purchase of new technology. But you and I both know that this moment will end in tears. and then war. and then a sort of emotional nuclear winter. I have always been fascinated by communications technology, and my mother has had an equally ardent revulsion for same. or, not so much a revulsion as a simultaneous curiosity and perplexity that is a bit like a schoolgirl crush. she likes Facebook, for example, so much she hits him and leaves him crying in the playground. From our first family purchase of a VCR in the 1980s, Mum has been both repelled by, and profoundly attracted to, technology. she loved the idea that she could record Life on Earth for future viewing, but hated the idea that she needed to remember a sequence of button- pressing to do it. It was the same with email and any other innovation in communications along the way. I had moved out of home by the time electronic mail became a must-have for her, and she was absolutely slavering to understand it. “you mean, I can look at pictures of your american uncle in his ridiculous marathon outfit instantly?” “yes, Mother. schadenfreude is now instantly accessible worldwide.” Mum liked the idea, but hated the practice. this has been the problem all along as we have tried to work together to understand the new tools of the Communications Age. Through Facebook and Google and email and VCR and texting, I have sat by her side and observed her anger and admiration for the pace of the world. to give Mum her due, she always gets technology in the end. of course, both of us needed therapy after the email Incident of 1998, when an entire day was chewed up with me explaining the concept of a virtual ‘window’. Man, she said some awful things about Bill Gates that day. But we managed to break on through to learn email without defenestration. and, to this day, Mum sends me daily emails. (We still also enjoy daily phone calls in which she asks me “Did you get my email?” But this is hardly my point.) so, it is 2013 and after decades of innovation, I am preparing to assist my mother with the purchase of a smartphone. she’s in love with the speed and the convenience, but, as always, she is impatient with the time it takes before she can acquire both. speed and convenience require sluggish bother for both of us. But, in the end, we know what the pain will be worth. to wit: my mother demanding to know if there is an “app for that”. When Mum took to Facebook a year or two ago, she did so with all the reticence of a Bichon Frisé with a new bone. Which is to say, none at all. she barked at me and all of my friends and learned the art of trolling in an instant. I can’t wait to see what she’ll be like with mobile Facebook. Which is to say, oh My GoD. actually, between the moments of crushing humiliation, I know that I will love it. and I know I will feel glad that I have helped someone to get past the tech and to the heart of the matter: she is as compelled by communications as her daughter. photographsbyjamesbraund;hairandmakeupbyrebeccavaughan “To give Mum her due, she always gets technology in the end. Of course, both of us needed therapy after the Email Incident of 1998...” thebigissue 21Jun–4Jul2013 13
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