The Big Issue : Edition 446
46 THE BIG ISSUE 22 NOV – 05 DEC 2013 Dear Quick Fix, I recently moved to Australia from Europe and I’m really confused about greetings etiquette. At home, we have a national standard of greeting: a kiss on each cheek. It’s very simple. But here everyone is a rogue operator with their own personal greeting style. I never know what to do – or what the other person is going to do – in any situation. This has resulted in some awkward moments. (I bumped into my neighbour, a hugger, at the supermarket. I ended up kissing him under one of his outstretched arms.) I am keen to avoid this kind of thing in the future. What should I do? Scared Saluter Dear Scared Saluter, I agree this is a problem. We need to settle on a National Standard. The problem is that nearly every one of our existing greeting options is either dangerous or unpalatable: the handshake (too stiff), the high-five (too noisy), the hug (too group-therapy), the fist-bump (too bumpy), the wink (spreads bird flu), the wave (causes wind). I think you should encourage your Australian friends to agree on the high-pi. It’s a great alternative to the high-five, and much less noisy because it’s pretty hard to forcefully slap together 3.14159 digits. Quick Fix » Got a REAL problem? Quick Fix can’t help you. She has problems of her own, which you can follow on the @squickens Twitter feed. WRITER SOPHIE QUICK » ILLUSTRATOR MICHAEL WELDON QUICK FIX #23 Grating Greetings The WOMEN’S SUBSCRIPTION ENTERPRISE Creative:thebluegroupPhoto:AndrewGoldie. See the change one subscription can make to the lives of disadvantaged women. A yearly subscription to The Big Issue magazine helps women like change their lives; receiving ongoing training, mentoring, support and an income as she packs and wraps magazines for subscriptions. Visit or call to subscribe.