The Big Issue : Edition 457
THEBIGISSUE2–8MAY2014 43 KEVINMcCLOUDPHOTOGRAPHBYCHRISJACKSON/GETTYIMAGES;BRIDEANDGROOMPHOTOGRAPHBYDIMITARDILKOFF/AFP/GETTYIMAGES Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine and/or Pinterest. They’ll even create personal hashtags so everyone’s on the same page. Maybe something like #thirdtimelucky or #ihatemynewinlaws. Thus all the happy couple need to do is remember the name of their second cousin’s girlfriend and concentrate on the complex moves they’ve planned for that first matrimonial dance. Yes, it’s over the top; yes, it’s expensive – but I get the feeling this social-media component will be commonplace within a decade. Put it in the hands of a pro and let’s all just try to enjoy the moment. Recently, I attended a beautiful wedding set by an idyllic beach. It was perfect. At least, what I could see of it which we shall allude only so much as to say “goodness gracious us”) then you can’t just leave it there. If you’re planning to watch True Detective, you might think you should put aside 60 minutes for True Detective. Big mistake. You need to add on at least half an hour to that time. Got any comedies you like? Enjoy sports? Maybe you like reality TV or that show where the smartypants in the suit raises his eyebrows at people ageing slowly while turning their houses into aircraft carriers or some other Grand Design... Whatever your choice of soufflé is: have some in the cupboard. Some people, myself included, enjoy a bit of post-show analysis instead of (or as well as) dessert. As soon as that episode of The Good Wife finishes, may I suggest jumping online and reading the entire internet from start to finish. Sometimes, after a rich meal, EVER HAD A rich meal and not wanted dessert afterwards? No. Me neither. Sometimes, though, you do just want something light. Gelati. Soufflé. Half a dozen slivers of whatever someone else ordered that has chocolate in it. A rich main meal can sink you. Sometimes it’s important to be lifted afterwards. You need some zest, a reminder that you are not defined by the intense experience you just underwent – something to ease you from the culinary riches of slow-roasted pork and back into a world that includes cups of tea, fresh apples and peppermints. This is a common quote in the office these days: “I watched an episode of True Detective last night... and then I had to watch a Parks & Recreation and a Louis to take the edge off.” We’ve all been there. If you watch True Detective or Breaking Bad (or even a certain episode of The Good Wife to MEDIA TELEVISION HEAVY LIFTING SOCIAL MEDIA THE BELLS TOLL nothing will revive you with the exception of a good night’s sleep. Soufflé shows have to satiate, but not require a great deal of investment. You wouldn’t eat Parks & Recreation or Girls or, heaven forbid, Modern Family for your main meal, but if you want to sleep at night I recommend lining up a bunch of them just in case an episode of something takes you by surprise (seriously, watch The Good Wife – it’s like a top-notch risotto: looks bland and porridgy, turns out to be superb with a good glass of wine, and is best enjoyed with intelligent conversation). Of course there are some TV shows that are like dry tabouli from a food court salad bar, but perhaps we’ll discuss The Bolt Report another time. by Lorin Clarke (@lorinimus) ORGANISING A WEDDING sure does sound like a whole lot of work. You’ve got to book a venue, pick a dress, find a suit, select a menu, choose a cake, work out which guests hate each other and seat them at opposite ends of the room, decide upon the colour of the serviettes, hire someone to take care of your social media for the big day, remember the rings, there’s hair and make-up to...wait...let’s go back a couple...what’s that about social media? The W Hotels in New York have recently begun offering a social media concierge service for all weddings held within their esteemed walls. For the price of $3000, a person with lightning- quick thumbs will post status updates, photos and videos to any or all of your social-media platforms, whether they be was perfect, as I repeatedly had to peer around the iPad of a fellow guest who would raise it to the sky and block the view of all behind whenever a photo op presented itself. Paying for someone to take control of your virtual self is not a new concept. In the online dating world, people have been turning to experts to streamline their social media and make themselves appear more desirable. Drunken selfies and shots that show too much skin are removed, foul- mouthed status updates are deleted, and advice is given on what to post and when to post it. It’s the era we now live in. First we’ll pay them to cover our weddings, then the birth of our children, our anniversaries, 100th birthdays and finally, our funerals. Although #lowerthecoffin will probably be a bit inappropriate. by Michael Chamberlin (@ChamberlinM) GRAND DESIGN = LIGHT RELIEF #DOESMYONLINESTATUSLOOKBIGINTHIS?