The Big Issue : Edition 464
46 THEBIGISSUE1–14AUG2014 » Got a REAL problem? Quick Fix can’t help you. She has problems of her own, which you can follow on the @squickens Twitter feed. WRITER SOPHIE QUICK » ILLUSTRATOR MICHAEL WELDON QUICK FIX #41 Bingo Lingo Dear Quick Fix, A couple of years ago, I started going to bingo. It’s a lot of fun and I love the rhyming slang, wordplay and number games in the bingo calls (“Jump and jive: 35”; “All the fours, droopy drawers: 44”;“88: two fat ladies, wobble wobble” etc). But lately I’m finding that I can’t have any kind of conversation without bingo lingo creeping in. Recently my surgeon told me I have a tumour and only 11 months to live. I responded with a whistle: “Legs eleven, wit-wooooo!” Do you think my bingo lingo impulses relate to my growing tumour? Please find X-ray pictures enclosed. Bingo Brain Dear Bingo Brain, Thanks for getting in touch. I wish more readers would send me tumour snaps. The bad news is that it’s impossible for me to tell from the X-rays if the tumour is the cause of your irrational and uncontrollable bingo lingo impulses. But the good news is that it’s easy to tell that your doctor miscalculated: his prognosis was exactly half what it should have been. You’ve actually got 22 (two little ducks, quack quack) months to live. Quick Fix THAT WAILING YOU HEAR COMES FROM EDITORS OF THE GLOSSY WOMEN’S MAGS... Dear Quick Fix, Not so quick, eh? Way over a week late... But who’s counting? So. What’s next? Alexander Dear Alexander, Next? Life...and lots of love. Ms Quick...and Tamil EXCLUSIVEFIRSTBABYPICTURE!